スコットランドの地名が改名?! ウィキペディアがブリタニカに買収?!


Black day as EU fools with place names

EUROPEAN bureaucrats will push forward legislation today to force the Scottish Executive to change place-names that offend or discriminate on the grounds of race and gender.
In a move the Nationalists described as the "ultimate madness in political correctness", it has taken only a quorum of four Euro commissioners from Italy, Germany, France and Spain to redraw Scotland's map.
The German commissioner, Arlo Pilof, the architect of the 2006 Race and Gender Equality Imposition Code (conformity), an amendment to existing rules, said: "We believe many names do not conform, and we started with Scotland because it is the worst of the culprits with offensive names such as Skinflats, near Grangemouth."
However, he promised the Scottish Executive could apply for grants of up to euro 43.6 million (pound 28 million) to facilitate change.
That was dismissed yesterday by the Scottish Chambers of Commerce as a "drop in the ocean". A spokesman said: "Changing stationery and business cards could cost that alone."
The commissioners in Brussels have demanded "race and gender-sensitive" names found for towns such as Motherwell, Blackburn, Helensburgh, Fort William, Campbeltown, Peterhead, Lewis and Fraserburgh be changed.
A Scottish parliamentary group, set up in anticipation of the legislation, has made a start. Fort William, in the shadow of Britain's highest mountain, would become Fort Nevis by 2006, under one suggestion.
Edinburgh City Council is considering revising Arthur's Seat because the commissioners said its ancient name contained sexual undertones "likely to offend those visiting Edinburgh".
Under the new amendment the word "Glen" could be banned as gender-biased. Scotland Office officials have suggested a change to Vale, as in Valecoe and the Great Vale.
An SNP spokesperson said: "This is monstrous buffoonery, an outrageous waste of resources and politically correct madness.
"I understand, for example, that North Lanarkshire Council will consider plans to change Motherwell to Parentwell," the spokesperson said. "What is Dunbartonshire going to do with Helensburgh?"
Under European rules going back to 1986, a quorum of four member state commissioners have the right to table what is known as a "L.I.L Proof A", a prelude to any legislation which proposes to amend or remove a name or description "relating to a city, town or centre of habitation with more than eight people of voting age".
The four commissioners tabled the L.I.L Proof A in December and today the legislation will go before a committee of ten commissioners. It is expected to be law by 1 April, 2006.
The Scottish Executive had sought to win exemptions for places beginning with "Black", but the bureaucrats were adamant they were racist.
"We could hardly have places like Colouredford or the Coloured Isle, the Coloured Cuillins," said a spokesman.
However, the Executive has come up with an alternative, to revert to the Gaelic rendition of black - dubh - which it believes will be acceptable.
The spokesman added: "They won't know the difference, hopefully. And Burndubh and Dubhford don't sound too bad."
However, the greatest difficulty will be experienced by the producers of Ordnance Survey maps.
A spokesman said: "This is a nightmare, amending every map. I understand there will be a hiatus, where old maps are acceptable. But new maps will have to be in place by 2007.
"More cartographers will be needed and the process of re-tooling machines will begin next year.
"Inevitably, the cost will be high and prices will go up. We estimate, for example, a map such as the Landranger series for North Skye will retail at pound 94.20 by 2007."
Mr Pilof revealed that England would be next on the agenda, citing the Isle of Man as particularly worthy of change.
A Manx spokesman said yesterday: "I hope this is a long way off. We are two-time losers, what with the island's name and Douglas as the capital. It's ridiculous, isn't it?
"It's as if these people sat there all day and made up this stuff."


記事の見出しも変だし、いくらなんでもこれはやっぱり怪しいよなと思いつつ、確証を得るため、第3パラグラフのThe German commissioner, Arlo Pilof, the architect of the 2006 Race and Gender Equality Imposition Code (conformity), an amendment to existing rules, saidの一部をググってみたら……



念のため、"L.I.L Proof A"(←こんな怪しい名称……)もググってみたけど、結果は同じ。


「改名ネタ」では、1998年に、「Greenwich Mean TimeがGuinness Mean Timeになる」ってギネス社がプレスリリースを出したのを、the Financial Timesが真に受けた、という事件(?)がありました。

ところで、「まとめサイト」的存在のmuseum of hoaxによると、今年の英紙のネタは:
* The Independent

英国ネタは、ほかにはサンとミラーとメールのものしか上がってないなあ。。。ガーディアンのサンセリフ島レポートも今年はないしなあ。。。→別ルートでガーディアンのapril fool prankは発見しました。後述。



さらに、Several prominent academics including Noam Chomsky reported that this is the classic example of corporate led system of information control and the prime instance of elitist Manufacturing Consent.(チョムスキーらはこれはコーポレート主導の情報コントロールとマニュファクチャリング・コンセントの典型例だと指摘)←チョムスキーにはすまんが大爆笑。

さらに記事はどんどん混沌としてきて、Russian President Vladimir Putin announced that he will ban exports of caviar and vodka to the United Kingdom in retaliation.(ロシアのプーチン大統領は英国への報復としてキャビアとウォッカの対英禁輸を宣言)で、Shortly after the news was aired on the BBC, riots were reported in several major UK cities as angry mobs of drunks and caviar connisseurs stormed animal research labs freeing lab animals in frustration, after finding the Houses of Parliament too heavily guarded.(ウォッカとキャビア禁輸に抗議して怒り狂った酔っ払いの群集とキャビア好きのグルメたちが暴徒と化し、国会は警備が厳しすぎたので動物実験のラボに乱入して動物たちを解放<展開がモンティ・パイソンだよ〜)、In response to the crisis, British Prime Minister Tony Blair is expected to ask HM The Queen within the next week to dissolve parliament, thus triggering a general election. New Labour ministers, concerned that the caviar shortage spurned by the "Wiki Crisis" will undermine voter support in their heartlands, plan to go to the country on 5th May with a policy which will radically alter the university admissions procedure.(この危機に対応するために<そうじゃないだろう、ブレア首相は議会を解散、総選挙が行なわれることに。ニュー・レイバーの閣僚らは「ウィキ・クライシス」<こういうネーミングはニュー・レイバーそのもの、によって生じたキャビア不足で支持が落ちるのではと懸念し<ニューリッチでヤッピーでヤンエグな人たちに支持されているので、大学入学手続きを根本的に変える政策を掲げて田舎へ<もうわけわかんない)とか、どんどん加速していっている部分はとにかく可笑しい。

さらにPeckham became a separatist state and called itself 'Chavland'. A coup was initiated by Chelsea who took over, and made it the law in Chavland to only speak in Serbo-Croat. Chavs were unable to speak, and the world rejoiced.(ペッカム<ロンドンの一地域、は「チャヴランド」として独立……云々<「チャヴ」についてはこちらなど参照←探しやすいようにハイライトの入ったGoogleキャッシュにリンク)とかなると、「みんな楽しそうだなあ」としか言いようがないです。「チェルシーが」とか「セルボ・クロアチア語しかしゃべれないようにしたが、どうせチャヴにははなからしゃべるという能力が欠けているので」云々は、ニヤリ系のブラックユーモアということで。

ちなみに、NINのトレント・レズナーは"Wikipedia is serious business. It is a sad day to be a Wikipedian"だそうです。


その他、英国ではthe Times, the Daily Telegraphなどに、「ハンドルのない車」の全面広告が掲載されたそうです。BMWのuninvent the wheelというもので、基本的にはEUネタ。(スコッツマンとかぶる。)

ガーディアンは、「ニュー・レイバー、3期目の政権でチャールズ皇太子にcountryside tsarをオファー」というウソ記事。君臨するとも統治せず的にはありえないことなのですが、大変に作りこまれています。

しかしそれよりおもしろいのは、ITニュースサイトのthe Registerの「ブッシュ・ツインズがイラクへ」
※左上の Biting the hand that feeds IT という文字列にも注目したり。

the Registerはこのほかに、「スティーブ・ジョブズがIKEAに参加」というネタも出してます。The 'Bono' に大爆笑です。


あ、あとGoogle Gulp。なんか、日本で流行っている活性水だのクラスターがどうのだのにちょっと似ています。FAQはばかばかしくて最高です。

最後にUK Yahooにあった「様」ネタ。ドイツのブンデスリーガのバイエルンが「様」と契約したそうです。ワタシ的にはバルサがやるかも?とちょっと思ってましたが、バイエルンでしたか。

でもやっぱ今年一番笑えたのは、エイプリルフールのネタではなくマジで、「ボブ・マーリィにインタビューを申し込んだBBC」ですが。He's been dead for 24 years!
posted by nofrills at 07:32| todays_news_from_uk | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする